The Watchmen
Graphic novels are gaining in popularity, which I think is great. For the most part, the form is dismissed by the literary establishment who think these epic tales are just comic books. The Watchmen is anything but.
I have to admit that when I first picked it up I had big doubts. The author, Alan Moore, also wrote V is for Vendetta and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Those were really compelling, and different from the Watchmen chiefly because the illustrative style is fairly classic and conservative. Watchmen’s art looks like a DC comic book that would include BOOM! and BOF! sound effects. It’s a typical superhero-looking style that I resisted reading. I’d read Persepolis and other works by by Marjane Satrapi and Blankets by Craig Thompson so I knew looks could be deceiving. These are sublime graphic novels with simple art that belies the weighty, complex, and sometimes gut-wrenching issues they examine. So I decided, after many recommendations, to give Watchmen a try.
People, read it.
This book, while somewhat bizarre in its excess, manages to challenge the morality of our bent for human destruction like no other novel I’ve read. It succeeds on both personal and political levels with powerful characterization and unflinching illumination of the concepts of justice, global war, vigilantism, and the implications of personal choice. Its characters are flawed individuals in ridiculous costumes, yet somehow they manage to speak to us through a genre that until now has delivered hyperbole without message. Watchmen has impact. Read it before the movie comes out!
Midlife Job Change? Consider Piracy!
Tired of being a desk jockey? Tired of working in a meeting mill? I am here to offer you a new opportunity to see life from a new perspective: the deck of a freighter!! We’re looking for adventurous self-starters who don’t back down when the going gets tough. Your puny salary will PALE in comparison to the millions, or at least thousands, you’ll rake in as a PIRATE on the high seas!!
Consider this testimonial from one of our best and brightest:
In the eyes of the world, the pirates have been misunderstood. “We don’t consider ourselves sea bandits,” he said. “We consider sea bandits those who illegally fish in our seas and dump waste in our
seas and carry weapons in our seas. We are simply patrolling our seas. Think of us like a coast guard.”
A coast guard with BIG GUNS! No more wasting your time doing ineffectual “project planning” or “financial analysis” (what IS that?!), grab your AK-47s and join the fun! If you don’t believe me, trust the BBC News. In an article entitled “Somali Pirates Living the High Life,” one man says, “They wed the most beautiful girls; they are building big houses; they have new cars; new guns,” he says. “Piracy in many ways is socially acceptable. They have become fashionable.”
Send your resume and cover letter to:
Exxon Corporation
5959 Las Colinas Boulevard
Irving, Texas 75039-2298
(972) 444-1000
We All Need Wiener Email. Even You!
Feeling trepidation and uncertainty over the current financial crisis? All this serious finance business and politics is no fun! So in an effort to have a good time, I scoured my spam folder to bring you this: the latest from my collection of funny wiener emails! I loooove wiener emails! And I know you do too, because it’s really a window into the soul of our culture. It’s evidence of our constant struggle to improve the species. And everyone knows you can achieve all your personal goal plus the goals of humanity in general by having a large organ!! Just ask Millie Peacock, because she is an expert and she emails me regularly to inform me that a larger cucumber is within my — er — grasp, so to speak, that even I can have a larger and bigger pole. By this I think she means Polish boyfriend because I am a woman afterall! So, without hesitation or trepidation please read on to learn how YOU can become like an African Bushman!
Who said spam was worthless and annoying?
Surviving the Economic Downturn: A Guide
Many website offer advice for keeping your finances above water in these times of great turmoil. Duh pookie is much too practical for that. Here is some “real-world” advice that should help to steer you through the times of great distress:
- Buy guns. Any kind will do, even plastic! We all know the criminals shoot better than we do, so a bluff might be the best bet.
- Store the guns in an underground bunker in that piece of property you’ve been meaning to buy outside of Bakersfield. This will be your safe-house, er, safe-yard, er, safe-dirt patch.
- Surround the dirt patch with heavy-gauge barbed wire, preferably razor-style. Make sure the opening to the bunker lies INSIDE of the fenced area!!
- If you are going to be a survivalist, do it in style. Be sexy like this lady >>>>
Everyone knows cleavage is the key to survival. If you are a dude, where a codpiece at all times. Family jewels and all! Not called that fer nuthin! - Whatever you do, don’t forget about food and gatorade. Cannibalism MUST be your last resort.
Once you have followed these steps to shore up your personal stability, you will be well on the way to riding out the doom and gloom of crashing financial markets. Stocks and dollars are just paper after all. It’s guns and ammo that separate the survivors from the turkey necks!! Good luck, Commando!!
Duchovny in Rehab for Sex Addiction! Oh My!
There’s something TERRIBLY unsexy about sex addiction. Like, what the heck is it? Is it contagious? Is it like a dog that never got fixed? Does Duchovny hump people’s legs when they’re not expecting it? “David, I’ve been patient, dude. Get off my leg, man. Dude, I’m serious. Get off my leg. DAVID! OFF!”
I believe. I believe in aliens anyway. But, what, all this sex is with his wife, right? No? Prostitutes? Prostitutes wearing black strappy leather? Hmmm, I’ll have to remind my guy friends who get caught (of which I have none, but still) to remind their wives that they have a “condition” and must be dealt with gently!
You do realize aliens did this. It’s the beginning of their scheme for world domination. “Gleeck, you moron, I said hit the humans with the domination ray, not the dominatrix ray!”
Aliens Align for Obama
I’ve been closely following the campaign in all the blogs and news sources when it finally hit me: there’s been a significant rise in the number of UFO sightings reported recently!! We all know what this means! Yet another faction, yet another source of undue influence over our political system. I’ve had it. Between all the PAC money and special interests, do we really want aliens in the mix? I wrote to Senator Obama with my concerns. He completely assured me that he is immune from all forms of external influence, including alien mind control which has in the past been known to influence other politicians (including Alaska Senator Ted Stevens). The picture at left was sent by the Obama camp along with his reply letter. It *is* exciting to know the aliens love Obama as much as the Europeans do.
So then I felt better — until this! An excessively well-educated ex-astronaut from NASA has come forward with his shocking belief that we are not alone. This is no country bumpkin, this is a smart guy. He walked on the moon for nine 
hours. I’m thinkin he knows what he’s talking about. In fact I read somewhere recently that children in the US are more likely to recognize alien forms than bees when shown pictures. Why is our culture so heavily steeped in alien lore? Is our collective unconscious conspiring to prepare us as a species for universal politics? We can’t even handle the United Nations! We’re not ready! Start making your tinfoil hats, people. If Obama can hold out, so can we!
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