Surviving the Economic Downturn: A Guide

survivalist_cover.jpgMany website offer advice for keeping your finances above water in these times of great turmoil. Duh pookie is much too practical for that. Here is some “real-world” advice that should help to steer you through the times of great distress:

  1. Buy guns. Any kind will do, even plastic! We all know the criminals shoot better than we do, so a bluff might be the best bet.
  2. Store the guns in an underground bunker in that piece of property you’ve been meaning to buy outside of Bakersfield. This will be your safe-house, er, safe-yard, er, safe-dirt patch.
  3. Surround the dirt patch with heavy-gauge barbed wire, preferably razor-style. Make sure the opening to the bunker lies INSIDE of the fenced area!!
  4. If you are going to be a survivalist, do it in style. Be sexy like this lady >>>>sexy_survivalist.jpgEveryone knows cleavage is the key to survival. If you are a dude, where a codpiece at all times. Family jewels and all! Not called that fer nuthin!
  5. Whatever you do, don’t forget about food and gatorade. Cannibalism MUST be your last resort.

Once you have followed these steps to shore up your personal stability, you will be well on the way to riding out the doom and gloom of crashing financial markets. Stocks and dollars are just paper after all. It’s guns and ammo that separate the survivors from the turkey necks!! Good luck, Commando!!

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September 18, 2008 | Filed Under Future Freak, Great Recession, The Jabba Jabba 

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