The Lowdown on Babies
My girlfriend just had a baby. She’s in that phase no one talks about where you feel like a cavewoman and have no illusions about the true reason we have boobs. (Hint: It’s not so Victoria can wear her secret pushup bras with stillettos!) Guys, if you’ve never had a baby, and I’m thinking you haven’t, imagine two straight weeks with the flu and no sleep. The way you’d be completely reduced to your base self, hollowed out like a cantaloupe after a Sunday brunch. The way you’d be covered in stubble and unwashed to the point where you can smell your own skin. Imagine the hunger, THE DRIVING NEED for a shower, solid sleep, and solid food. Now imagine there’s a little beastie clinging to you who demands your CONSTANT ATTENTION and you may begin to grasp what it feels like to be the mom of a two week old baby.
Then imagine your mother in law is coming to stay and you’ll be spending a frightening number of hours alone with her while tending the beastie!
Okay, so I exaggerate, but only a little. Those first few weeks are tough. But dammit, someone’s got to do it and do it well. Hang in there girlfriend! When everyone comes to coo and ah over the baby, to claim it as their own in any way they can, you’ll know something they don’t. Like two soldiers who made it through Da Nang back in Nam, that baby is yours forever. You’ve been through hell together and that’s a bond that sticks. (Don’t ever tell the baby they caused the hell — it’ll ruin the story!)
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